Transitions and Grief - Blockages in the Grieving Process.

I recently wrote a blog post called Good Grief.

I also came across these notes - blockages in the grieving process. These are from Malcolm too.

It is possible to have a blockage in the recovery process due to any of the following reasons:

1. Resentment and bitterness.
2. Anger against God.
3. Refusal to come to terms with the loss.
4. Refusal to hand your grief over to God.
5. A refusal to accept and readjust to new circumstances.
6. Failure to give yourself permission to grieve.

“He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds
(curing their pains and their sorrows)
(Psalm 147:3 Amp.)

“Surely our grief’ He Himself bore and our sorrows He carried”
(Isaiah 53:4 NASB)

Good Grief

In 2006 we did a teaching series at Westlife called Desperate Households. In that series we talked about things that families need to deal with - parenting, communication, money, family values, time management... and grief.


We had counsellor, Malcolm Lindridge come in and speak with us. He did a great job.


Here are some the points I remember him making. They are useful too for our current Transitions series.


We spend a good portion of our lives working diligently to acquire those things that make us happy and give us a meaningful purpose in life. What happens to us when we lose any of these things which are important to us? Quite naturally we grieve over the loss of anything that is important to us. Sometimes if the loss is great, it can shake the very foundations of our lives and toss us head-long into despair. Does a person’s faith have anything to do with the way they grieve over the loss? Sometimes people think that a person with a strong faith does not really need to grieve.


Remember the following three important points about grief:
1. Grief is a God-given process.
2. Grief is personal.
3. Grief and faith work together.


There is nothing heroic or noble about grief: It is a painful process. It is hard work. It is a lingering process. It has been labeled as everything from intense mental anguish, to acute sorrow, to deep remorse. There is a multitude of emotions involved in the grief process. Grief is a complex mental and emotional process.


1. Grief is not an event, it is a journey.
2. Grief is a personal journey and individually experienced.
3. Men grieve differently to women.
4. Grief has many faces: anticipatory, delayed, chronic, masked, exaggerated and
shadow grief.
5. Grief has a purpose.
6. Christian faith never denies the reality of grief.


Grief can journey down three different roads:
1. A normal grief curve: loss, shock, numbness, denial, emotional outbursts, anger, bargaining, fear, panic, guilt, depression, isolation, acceptance, new strengths, new relationships, helping others, adjustment, future hope.
2. A difficult and long-term (2-4 years) process of healing and restoration.
3. Acute emotional pain (pathological) is experienced when it is denied delayed or distorted.

“Simply put, grief is the pain of loss. It is the emotional/spiritual/physical response to the loss of a person, significant object or situation in life.”


“He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds
(curing their pains and their sorrows) (Psalm 147:3 Amp.)

“Surely our grief’ He Himself bore and our sorrows He carried” (Isaiah 53:4 NASB)


Great work, Malcolm!

Transitions Sometimes Involve Grief

Transitions sometimes involve grief. Change can mean that you are "losing something."

Here is a diagram developed by Phil Kitchens called "The Valley of Grief." I have seen a similar diagram called The Grief Trough.

This can be helpful to see at what stage you are in the grief process.

I was talking to someone recently who is moving towards divorce. They are almost at the "acceptance" stage. It is still very sad... and I remember when there were back at the "emotional outburst" stage.

Watch out for another blog post I am doing soon titled, Good Grief.

PS -
Some of you found this helpful when I put in on my blog in Jan 09 when we grieved the passing of our good friend, Merv Locke.